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A Blurb
Angels and demons have been in a war for thousands of years, waged in the skies above a neutral human kingdom. Few remember what started the war, but it continues through racial hatred and continued wartime atrocities committed by both parties. Demons and angels both seek the favour of the lesser human beings in order to gain a small strategic edge, but time and time again wise kings, or wise advisors have turned them down, maintaining an uneasy equality in their kingdoms.
Yethzer is a member of the Demonguard, an order of demons equal to great generals when not protecting their king in battle. One day, on a routine training reconnaissance mission he and his young flock are attacked by a group vastly different from any they have encountered before. They are attacked by a flock of demons supported by an angel choir, an impossibility due to the strong inherited hatred in every single member of both races. Yethzer alone escapes and takes his story to the humans, sure that mind control magic is a good reason for the humans to finally side with demonkind. He is thwarted however and the human king is forced to send him on a mission to uncover the truth.
Yethzer must travel with a young human spellcaster and an angel swordsman in order to prove his case. Along the way they must fight mutual enmity as well as the forces which attempt to stop their quest for the truth and for a way to fight a greater enemy then has been seen in 3000 years.
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I thought a blurb might be useful, something to show to people to get them interested in the novel, because the first chapter is not my best by any stretch of the imagination. It any of you have any suggestions on what to add to this just tell me.
Also a poll for this novel [link]
Chapter 1 - Betrayal
Chapter 2 - Diplomacy
Chapter 3 - Companions
Chapter 4 - Walking South
Chapter 5 - Forest
Chapter 6 - Inn
Chapter 7 - Bandits
Chapter 8 - Puppies
Chapter 9 - Wyvern
Chapter 10 - First Date
Chapter 11 - Information
Chapter 12 - Shovel
I will not be posting any more of the novel on dA, but if you are interested let me know and I can contact you personally when I publish my novel. And please vote on this poll so I can collect numbers. [link]
Also a poll for this novel [link]
Casting Runesongs
Chapter 1 - Betrayal
Chapter 2 - Diplomacy
Chapter 3 - Companions
Chapter 4 - Walking South
Chapter 5 - Forest
Chapter 6 - Inn
Chapter 7 - Bandits
Chapter 8 - Puppies
Chapter 9 - Wyvern
Chapter 10 - First Date
Chapter 11 - Information
Chapter 12 - Shovel
I will not be posting any more of the novel on dA, but if you are interested let me know and I can contact you personally when I publish my novel. And please vote on this poll so I can collect numbers. [link]
© 2012 - 2024 AmayaElls
Comments53
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactI haven't read the other chapters yet, but since the blurb is supposed to entire new readers, I thought I'd leave you the perspective of someone who fits that criteria.
The blurb sounds interesting. I like the direction Para 2 and Para 3 take it, and I think you've done a good job building up some mystery.
I think you could tighten the last two paragraphs quite a bit. Ideally, your blurb should fall between 100 - 200 words. (200 is the maximum allowed for Amazon listings). Your word count is over 250, so it would be good to trim some things.
I don't think you need "by a group vastly different from any they have encountered before", since you're giving us that information in the next sentence. I think you can delete that entirely, then you only use the word "attacked" once.
Further down, how does mind control magic fall into the incident that just happened? I think you can just stop at "takes his story to the humans.", and maybe expand a little on why the king is forced to send him on a mission. Is it a test? Is something needed? etc. See three paragraphs down for a continuation of this point.
Para 3 looks good. I think you meant "that hasn't been seen in 3000 years?"
Frankly, I don't think paragraph 1 is needed at all. Like the other person mentioned above, the general idea of angels vs demons isn't new. The story seems to be about Yethzer, so why not start with him? His story is what is unique, anyway.
I think you can drop "due to the strong inherited hatred in every single member", and work in the war there. Perhaps, something like "due to that they have been at war for thousands of years". The second part of Para 1 could be worked into Para 2. If you drop the part of mind control magic, and work in its place that the demons want the small strategic edge there, I think you'll not only get your wordcount under 200, but it can also make more sense why the king is "forced" to send Yethzer on a mission.
Hope this is helpful! If I missed any marks, let me know. Like I said earlier, I wanted to give you the impression from someone who hasn't read the rest yet - since this is who the blurb is written for.